


gimme sympathy (after all of this is gone)

by platonics



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Asexual Character, Bullying, Developing Relationship, Implied/Referenced Prostitution, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Revenge, Slut Shaming, Small Towns, Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-08-09 03:06:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7784281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/platonics/pseuds/platonics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Damara Megido is one of the most hated students at her small-town high school, berated for a past relationship gone bad and seen as the 'school slut', but never actually treated like a person. Gradually, she finds companionship and love in two fellow outcasts as she tries to heal and create a better life for herself. [Title is from Gimme Sympathy by Metric]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Dialogue in brackets [like this] denotes Damara speaking in Japanese.

Damara glanced around, putting out her cigarette and adjusting her bag on her shoulder. Another day, another dose of torture. From the moment she walked into school grounds, and even before, really, she could feel men’s eyes glued to her. How predictable, she lamented. It was disgusting, really, how blatantly they'd lust after a teenage girl. She knew how to use it to her advantage though, so she didn't complain too much. Without that manipulation technique, things might be even harder than they already were. 

Her mother would agree, she thought, frowning as she recalled the sight of yet another man trying to sneak out while she was getting ready for school. Damara understood that it was necessary for money, nothing more, but she hated the thought of her younger sister being exposed to the cruelties of poverty and desperation like this. Aradia was still in middle school, innocent and obsessed with archaeology. Better than Damara. 

“I saw you leaving yesterday,” someone said, interrupting her thoughts. “Surprised you didn't try following Nitram again. Didn't you sneak into the locker room once to try to see him naked?”

Damara only sneered in response, opening her locker and starting to get out the books she’d need for that morning’s classes. 

“Yeah, I think she tried to take pictures,” another guy chimed in. “As blackmail for not going out with her.”

“I'd love to watch her look at them. Bet she'd...” Damara stopped listening, bored. She knew her reputation around school would never stop being the ‘crazy slut,’ since that's what the consensus had been for so long, but really, wouldn't they eventually get tired of making sexual comments about her?

“[I'm sure you’d love to watch me touch myself, but nobody could say the same for you],” she replied, tone disinterested. Nobody could actually understand the things she said in Japanese, but that made it all the more satisfying. The fools didn't even know they were being mocked. 

She slammed her locker shut and continued on her way. Ah, there were the people she wanted to avoid most. Rufioh and Horuss. Better go the other way, she decided, turning before they could catch a glimpse of her. It was too early in the morning to spark more unnecessary drama. Damara knew that graduation would be one of the happiest days of her life. But, alas, it was only October. June seemed like an eternity away. 

“Hey there, doll.” 

“What do you want?” Damara wasn't exactly known for her patience, and Cronus Ampora wouldn't be her first choice of conversational partners. 

“What, can't a guy just wanna greet the hottest gal in the senior class? I wanna put a smile on that face.” 

“No. [I know exactly what you want and you won't be getting it here].” She frowned, crossing her arms. He was going to make her late. Everyone else was already heading towards their homerooms. 

“Aw, don't be like that. I was just wondering if you had the notes for what’s gonna be on the Physics test.” Ah, notes. Damara knew he'd want _something_. Nobody talked to her willingly, even someone as nigh-universally despised as Cronus. 

“Here,” she said, rummaging through her bag and shoving a notebook at him. “Copy them and give it back later.” 

“Thanks, Dam. Knew I could count on you.” Cronus gave her a downright lecherous grin, far more suggestive than science notes warranted, and turned to go down the hall. Damara grimaced, and did the same. 

She spent homeroom watching Meulin and Kurloz, wondering how such an odd pair worked out. How did they still love each other after hurting each other so many times. Damara had no idea what it would be like to feel that way. The only person she’d ever really loved, in a romantic sense, was Rufioh, and that was long over now. 

Pre-Calc was a bore, but at least she’d convinced the teacher that her understanding of English was measurably lower than what it actually was, so she could get away with not paying attention and getting lower grades than she should. It was senior year and she doubted she’d ever be able to go to college anyway, so why bother trying?

“Damara,” a scandalized voice whispered from across the aisle. “You should be paying attention.” Was he seriously watching her doodle? Maybe he was the one who should be paying attention.

“Calm down, you’re such a baby,” she muttered in response. “Kankri Vantas, savior of worlds.” She was sure he’d like to think so.

“I just want to help you succeed. How can the myriad inequalities in society be solved if members of marginalized groups fail to realize their true potential?”

As Kankri continued, their recent tests were being passed back. Damara looked down at hers and frowned. 72. Whatever. She moved to put the paper away, but not before Kankri leaned over rather obviously to see what she’d gotten on it.

“[Trying to look down my shirt?]” she asked dryly, suspecting that’s how it might look to someone across the room, with the way he was leaning across the aisle to see what was sitting on her desk. 

“I’m sorry, Damara, but I’ve told you I don’t know Japanese. I know that must be frustrating for you, and I don’t claim to know the extent of the difficulties faced by non-native English speakers, however, my own time is consumed by the pursuit of equality, hindering my abilities to communicate with you in the way that’s easiest.”

“I manage,” she muttered in response, almost amused.

“Right, well, I was going to offer to tutor you. Your abysmal mathematical skills are nothing to be ashamed of, Access to help is crucial, and I’m here to provide what our school system does not.”

The bell rang. She rolled her eyes and got up to go. One period down, eight to go.

“3:30 tomorrow, in the library,” Kankri called after her. “I’m here to help you.’


	2. Chapter 2

“You’ll do great. Kick their asses.” 

Damara smiled to herself, sending the text and tucking her phone in her bag as she got changed for Gym. Aradia had a soccer game that afternoon, and she’d seemed worried about it earlier. As harsh as Damara might seem to others, she was always careful to give her younger sister all the support and love she could. She didn’t want Aradia to wind up like her when she didn’t have to. 

She adjusted the chopsticks in her hair, taking her time in leaving the locker room. Hopefully Cronus had her notebook like she’d told him. 

Damara hung back from the crowd a little as everyone headed through the gym and went outside. The less she interacted with others here, the better. 

She looked down at the pavement as she walked, a gentle breeze tickling her skin. As peaceful as it seemed now, the scent of rain was in the air. A storm could come through at any moment, and yet the teacher thought it was a good idea to make them take a run through the nearby park. Didn’t these people know how to check a weather forecast?

Girls giggled as everyone started jogging, breaking up into little groups. It was melodic, almost peaceful. Damara wished she didn’t have to be suspicious of what they might be talking about. She shook her head, turning to go down a different path. It was a small park, and class was only 40 minutes, so there was no getting away from the other students completely, but she could minimize any potential contact.

A hand tapped at her shoulder. Damara instantly stopped, whirling around to face them. Usually went she went out alone, she carried pepper spray, or some other type of small weapon for self-defense, but not at school. All the half-formed plans of what to do to a potential assailant vanished when she saw who it was. Oh.

“Heh, sorry to scare you. I thought maybe you could use some company, eh? I’ll give you your notebook when we get back, too. Thanks for the help, babe.” Cronus jogged alongside her, reminding her of all the reasons she hated the days that they had class with the guys. At least none of the other girls actually spoke to her.

“Finally. I thought your tiny brain may have forgotten where you left it.” He was supposed to give it back in Physics, but that period had come and gone with no sign of her notes.

“You give me too little credit. I think if you gave me a chance you’d figure out that I’m not at all who you think I am,” Cronus wheedled. 

“That’s unlikely.”

“Anyone would be lucky to have me, Dam. If you figure that out before someone else has the chance to, you’d be on the ride of a lifetime.”

“[You only think with your dick. Someone should cut it off.]” 

“What was that?”

“Nothing. I’m sure you’re right. Good luck.”

Damara sped up a little, jogging away from him. That was plenty of conversation. However, Cronus didn’t seem to agree. He matched her pace, intent on remaining alongside her.

“What do you want?” she asked, looking over at him.

“To get to know you.” His expression looked...oddly genuine. Damara was so used to seeing some sort of smarmy grin that was meant to be enticing, but this was a real smile. Huh. She could give and take insults all day if she needed to, or get some steamy banter going, but true kindness was one thing she didn’t know how to deal with.

“Funny. Go ask someone more gullible.”

Just as she said that, she felt something wet against her cheek. Then another drop. Thunder rumbled softly in the distance as it started to rain. Naturally, they were in the middle of the park, with no cover to speak of. Cursing under her breath, Damara glanced around, seeing everyone else already on their way back to the school building. 

Before she could get more than a few steps, the light rain turned into a downpour. She started running, ignoring the annoyingly persistent classmate at her side. What was he now, some kind of clingy puppy? Usually he was more focused on someone like Meenah Peixes, the leader of the unofficial Damara Hate Club that seemed to have formed over the years.

“Wait,” Cronus blurted out just before they got to the doors, grabbing her shoulder. 

“What?” Damara asked, exasperated. Couldn’t whatever it was wait? They were both already drenched with rain.

“Are you seriously rejecting me? A cool guy with the resources to give you whatever you want?”

“[Uh, yeah, dumbfuck.] I will think about it.” 

“Great. I know you’ll make the right choice, doll.”

She pulled out of his grip, going inside. Her sneakers squeaked on the polished gymnasium floors as she made her way to the locker room to change out of her wet clothes. 

When she got home an hour later to an empty house, Damara realized that Cronus still had that damn notebook. Maybe she’d get it the next day. 

She curled up on her bed, pulling out her laptop. She was actually rather popular in some online circles, and it provided an escape from all the unhappiness in real life. Sure, her blog wasn’t necessarily the most impressive, but people liked it. They liked it enough to actively seek out more content, even try to talk to her sometimes.

Her life was like entertainment for them. Looking at it from that angle, it was less comforting. Happy, privileged people reading about her struggles like they were a novel. 

Damara’s phone chimed softly awhile later, and she picked it up, smiling. Aradia had won her game. At least one good thing had happened that day.

“That’s great! We’ll go out for ice cream or something tomorrow to celebrate.” 

Before long, she drifted off to sleep, tired from the day.


	3. Chapter 3

Most of the day dragged on in a blur. Damara was so used to going through the same routine, over and over. Something really strange would have to happen to jolt her out of her apathetic daze. 

‘Something really strange’ could describe her voluntarily spending time with Kankri almost perfectly. She’d considered just leaving instead of going to the library to meet him for tutoring, but some part of her craved interaction that was, if not positive, at least neutral.

She settled down next to him once she got there, taking out a notebook and pen.

“Alright, then, what’s first?” Damara asked, doing her best not to seem too interested. That wasn’t very hard though, given how much she hated math. 

Kankri frowned down at the test they’d gotten back the day before, checking to see what she’d gotten wrong. When he actually started talking, most of the explanations went right over her head, but she dutifully watched as he rewrote the problems and solved them step by step, the soft sleeve of his sweater grazing her arm.  
It felt nice. She almost smiled, but then caught herself. No. There were other people around, and if anyone saw her enjoying spending time with Kankri, that’d create a whole second round of rumors that she really didn’t want to deal with. The Rufioh ones were bad enough. 

“Is this starting to make sense?” Kankri asked, jolting her out of her thoughts.

“Oh. Yes, I think so.” 

“How about you try this next one then?” He pushed the notebook closer to her, watching expectantly. Shit.

Damara picked up her pen and chewed thoughtfully at her lower lip, trying her best to stall for time. After a moment, she jotted down what she thought the solution might be, glancing over at him to gauge his reaction. Kankri just sighed.

“Honestly, Damara, you’re never going to grasp these concepts if you don’t pay attention.”

If she wasn’t so skilled at controlling her own reactions, she might have blushed. Why was someone she’d never thought of with anything but annoyance getting her flustered like this? She must really be off her game. 

“I will. Just...show me again,” she muttered distractedly.

He shook his head, disapproving. 

“It’s upsetting to see how little you value my time,” Kankri said, as if she had committed some grievous crime. “You need to learn how to accommodate the feelings of others.”

Before she could force out any kind of halfassed apology, they were interrupted.

Cronus, unlit cigarette in his mouth, dropped her Physics notebook on the table. Damara was surprised. When a whole day went by, she hadn’t expected to ever get it back. Eyes widening a little, she looked it over, not finding any damage. It seemed he was more responsible than she gave him credit for. 

“Here you go, just like I said. Have ya thought any more about my offer?”

She scanned her brain for what he could possibly be -. Oh. Right. He’d asked her out in the middle of their run the day before.

“I certainly hope you’re not trying to pressure her into anything, Cronus,” Kankri chimed in. “Coercion is no joke.”

“Relax, Kanny. All I did was ask her out.” Cronus leaned against the back of Kankri’s chair, clearly still waiting for an answer.

“I told you not to call me that. Porrim had no business spreading around personal information about me in the first place,” Kankri retorted, voice tense and arms crossed. “You are to refer to me by my name.”

“Sorry, chief. Are ya jealous or something? You seem pretty upset about the idea of me asking Damara out.”

“J-jealous? I don’t know what you could possibly be implying. I’m entirely focused on my studies and pursuit of equality. Dating is of no importance to me.”

“If the two of you want to date, I will not stand in your way,” Damara chimed in innocently. “[The sexual tension between you two is so noticeable, anyone could see. So unless you like being watched...]” She shrugged, absently tapping her fingers against the table.

Both of them objected rather strongly to that. Just as she expected.

“Alright then. I guess I can give you at least one date,” she said to Cronus. “Tomorrow night. Do your best to impress me.”

“You’ve got it,” the Aquarius said, giving her a little salute. He snatched her notebook back, jotting his number in the margins of one of the pages. “See ya tomorrow,” he finished, setting the notebook back down and leaving the library. Just in time, too, Damara realized when she saw the librarian glaring in their direction.

“Now, can we get back to the business at hand?” Kankri asked huffily, crossing his arms. 

“Yes,” Damara replied, barely resisting the urge to roll her eyes. “Go ahead.”

“Learning is a _collaborative process_ , you know,” he spluttered, waving his pencil in the air between them. “You have to be _engaged_. I don’t claim to understand the unique struggles you face, but please, Damara, make this worth my time.”

She shouldn’t have expected anything more from Kankri, given his general temperament and the artificial importance he placed on things like 30 minutes of math tutoring or a moment of distraction like they could make or break one’s life. Still, though, she was disappointed. That was an odd feeling. She’d grown used to expecting close to nothing from those around her, so it was hard to actually disappoint her. Maybe she’d been looking forward to the session more than she thought. What she _knew_ , though, was that she didn’t want to deal with these feelings.

“I think you’ve helped a lot,” she said, closing her notebook and stowing it in her bag, along with her other things. “But I need to go now.” She gave him a small, forced smile and got up, pushing her chair in. “Goodbye, Kankri. I will see you tomorrow.”

Not staying to hear any protests he might raise, she strode out of the library purposefully, eager to get out of there as quickly as possible. 

On the way home, she paused at a corner to get her Physics notebook out, putting Cronus’ number in her phone. 

At the next crosswalk, she sent him a text, saying only “it’s damara.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't expect a regular update schedule any time soon, since I'm pretty busy, but most of this chapter's actually been written for over a month now, so I was able to finish it up at least! Hopefully the wait for chapter 4 won't be quite as long for you.


	4. Chapter 4

“‘i wasn’t expecting to hear from you quite yet,” read the text she got in reply. “what’s up, doll?”

“changed my mind about our date,” Damara typed, quickly enough so that she wouldn’t have time to regret what she was about to do. “come over tonight instead.”

She glanced around as she waited for a reply, at the familiar homes and businesses lining the road. An elderly woman was sitting out on her front porch, and Damara offered a polite smile, beginning to lift her hand to wave until she saw the nasty look the woman was giving her. Right. _Everyone_ knew her business around here. Just one more reason Damara wanted to move away and never come back. 

“Do they let you go to school like that nowadays? You ought to put some clothes on,” the woman called from the porch. 

“I guess they decided whores deserve an education too,” she spat back sarcastically. Damara picked up the pace a little, glaring at the ground. Her fingers clenched at the fabric of her skirt once she’d rounded the corner, tugging it down just a bit, to cover more of her thighs. 

Her phone buzzed: Cronus again.

“just couldn’t wait? i told you i’m irresistible.”

“fuck off,” she replied, adding her address before hitting send. Her stomach twisted with nausea, and she instantly wanted to take it back. Inviting Cronus to her house went against everything she’d been doing to survive day to day. Her house was full of her life, all those dirty little secrets that someone as shameless as an Ampora would surely leak all over school if given an opportunity. It was bad enough being mocked for Rufioh, and for how she looked and talked, and for the shit Meenah said about her. Nobody needed to know what things were like at home.

She ran the rest of the way home, silently hoping that her mother wouldn’t be there. Aradia was at soccer practice, at least, so that was something.

No car in the driveway. That was a good sign. She unlocked the door and stepped inside, looking around. Nothing seemed too out of place, nobody in the living room or kitchen. Slipping out of her shoes and locking the front door behind her, she headed to her bedroom.

Humming under her breath, she stood in front of her closet, sizing up her options. She didn’t really need to change her clothes, but knowing what Cronus was like, and after being yelled at on the way home, the short skirt she had on suddenly felt far too uncomfortable. Damara picked out a pair of jeans and a different shirt, and laid them on her bed, starting to undress.

The floorboards in the hallway creaked, and she froze, looking to where she’d left her door ajar.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Damara gasped out, fumbling for her clothes as her eyes locked onto the older man leering at her from the hallway. 

“You look good in lace,” he murmured, and her face burned, tugging on her clothes as hastily as she could and lunging for the door.

“Get. Out.” She shoved at him hard, banging her elbow against the doorframe. “You got what you paid for, get out of my fucking house.”

“Sure I can’t get a little more?” the man asked, arching an eyebrow as he took a step back into the hall.

“You get nothing from me,” Damara growled, shoving him towards the stairs again. He wasn’t all that muscular, and she’d had plenty of practice getting into scuffles with people bigger than herself, so she was able to force him to stumble back another few steps.

Feeling the weight of something in her jeans’ pocket, she bit her lip, taking it out, and felt a surge of gratitude towards her past self as she caught sight of the switchblade and remembered leaving it in her pocket a few days before. Opening it, she stepped closer, glaring.

“Get out now, or I’ll fucking kill you.”

“Alright, alright, jeez. Crazy bitch.” Turning away, the man stalked downstairs. Damara could only release the breath she’d been holding after she heard the door slam shut. It wasn’t the first time something like that had happened, a client of her mother’s ogling her, but they’d never gotten into the house _alone_. How had that even happened?

Slowly, she closed the switchblade, shoving it back into her pocket. Damara swallowed hard, trying to ignore the lump in her throat. No way. She was not going to cry. She couldn’t. If she started, she had no idea whether she’d be able to stop, and Cronus would be getting there soon. Instead, she shakily made her way downstairs, slipping her feet into a pair of sneakers, tugging on a hoodie, and stepping out onto the front porch.

There was no sign of the man that had been in the house, so that was something. She’d been worried that he’d continue to loiter, waiting for her mother to return. Leaning against the railing, she fished a cigarette and lighter out of her hoodie pocket, gazing out at the quiet street as she smoked and waited for Cronus.

The luxury car pulling up to the curb clashed horribly with the dilapidated houses in the neighborhood, she observed, smirking as she watched Cronus get out and check his phone, before glancing up and noticing her on the porch.

“Hey.” Damara could hardly remember the last time she’d felt so awkward.

“Hey, Dam. Lookin’ hot,” Cronus drawled as he strode up the front walk, up the steps, to pause on the porch beside her.

“[Don’t,]” she said at first, crossing her arms over her chest. Then, forcing her lips into a smile, she spoke again, switching back to English. “Thanks.”

Unsure of what to do, she let out a soft sigh, offering him her cigarette. Cronus took it, took one hesitant drag, then grimaced, handing it back.

“What?” she asked, not sure what to make of that reaction.

“I don’t really smoke,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair.

“What do you mean?” Now Damara was even more confused. He always had cigarettes on him. 

“I just have ‘em to look cool,” Cronus confessed with a self-conscious chuckle, clearly reluctant to tell her that.

“Like that pretentious asshole in _The Fault In Our Stars_?” she joked, snickering. Some of the tension was leaving her, and it helped that the guy looked so ridiculous, all embarrassed like this. “You know, not that it made you look cool to begin with, but it _really_ doesn’t if you _tell_ people that.”

“Aw, c’mon, doll, I gotta keep up my image,” Cronus whined, lower lip jutting out in a slight pout. It was just endearing enough for her to catch herself starting to think he looked cute.

“Your image is still better than Kankri’s,” Damara replied, smirk still playing at her lips as she stamped the cigarette butt out. She felt the tiniest bit guilty about making fun of Kankri after he’d clearly tried to help her with that library tutoring session, in his own misguided way. Right now, though, making this date go smoothly felt more important than her guilt.

“Heh, I guess that’s true. He really needs to lighten up and have some fun once in awhile.” Cronus was starting to look to the door, like he wanted to go inside soon, but Damara wasn’t quite sure she was ready to take that plunge, even if nobody else was home.

“Wanna go to the park?” she asked, fussing with one of the drawstrings on her sweatshirt. “It’s, uh, kinda messy inside, so...”

For a nerve-wracking moment, she thought Cronus might protest and push the issue, but to her relief, he just nodded.

“Okay. Lead the way, then.”

Damara nodded, checking to be sure she had her keys before heading down the front steps, towards the neighborhood park. It was nothing special, just an old, run-down playground and some green space, but the important part was that it provided a place to talk that both a) wasn’t her house, and b) didn’t run much of a risk of running into people from school.

As they went past the playground, she kept her head down, not wanting to invite any attention from the parents watching their kids play. She’d had enough drama for one day. To her surprise, just then, she felt the warmth of a hand pressing against her own, fingers interlocking.

“What are you doing?”

Cronus just shrugged, not making any move to pull his hand away. 

“Gotta treat ya right. We’re on a date after all,” he said, as if she could ever forget it.

Giving a noncommittal grunt in response, Damara sank down onto a bench once they were a safe distance from the playground. Lingering moisture from the previous day’s rain was already seeping into her jeans, but she didn’t bother to get up. Cronus sat next to her, sticking close to her side.

“I know how to treat a girl right, y’know,” he said, almost sounding earnest. “Better than Rufioh.”

“Don’t talk about Rufioh,” she muttered, expression hardening. 

“Fine, fine,” Cronus relented, lifting his free hand in surrender. “I’m just sayin’, I’m a catch. Hopin’ this isn’t the only time we hang out.”

“We’ll see. [I guess you’re not too bad.]” Damara was at a bit of a loss after that, not sure what to say. 

Taking the opportunity presented, Cronus leaned in for a kiss. Grimacing slightly, she pulled away just before their lips could touch.

“Not...right now.” The words felt awkward in her mouth. She wasn’t used to letting someone down gently. She was always either aggressively dissuading someone or letting it happen, never something in between. There was a hint of reluctance in Cronus’ voice when he said ‘okay,’ but he backed off obediently. Usually, she’d mock him for being spineless with how easily he was doing what she said that day, but at the moment, she was just appreciative of it.

After that, things were silent. Damara let him continue holding her hand, and after a few minutes, his thumb started tracing lazy circles against the back of it, both of them watching the children playing and the sun getting lower in the sky.

“This bench is kinda wet,” Cronus mumbled.

“Yeah,” Damara replied, not quite sure where he was going with that.

“A little chilly out too, eh?”

“Yeah.”

With impressive grace, Cronus lifted her onto his lap. At first, Damara tensed up, certain that he had some sort of ulterior motive, that he was going to try to make things more physical. But he didn’t. Instead, he just wrapped his arms loosely around her, sheltering her from the chilly fall evening, and the occasional gusts of wind. Slowly relaxing, Damara leaned back against his chest.

She didn’t think she’d felt truly safe with a man in a long time, if ever, but sitting on Cronus’ lap was surprisingly comfortable, and she found herself trusting that he wasn’t going to try anything, wasn’t going to be the sleazy jerk he acted like at school.

Before she knew it, she was dozing off, head resting on his shoulder.


End file.
